My Painstakingly Shy Approach to Being Single for 30+ Years

Hello Saturday! I’ve got a lot of bright sunshine streaming through my windows and Sons of Anarchy on the TV. Day 4 of the blog challenge seems kind of personal, but I’m open; it says to talk about your relationship status.

If you read my Goals post, you would have seen that I’m single. I’ve been single most of my life since I seem to be the complete opposite of those women who can find a relationship at the Dollar Store. I’m not saying anything against them, sometimes I wish I had their ability, other times I’m glad I’m me.

Single Life: well damn, in the middle of a Quarantine it’s pretty sparse! I tried talking to a few men through my normal dating apps at the start of this ordeal. One I thought I was making a good connection with, even he said he found me interesting, but Quarantine got to him and he went crazy. I understand I’ve already had one mental breakdown during this, so I don’t judge.

I’ve actually been working on my own mental state when it comes to men and dating. I was always the ‘boy obsessed’ girl; I could blame it on the fact that my parents were very strict when it came to dating when I was growing up. I think it was my personality too. While I have a big bravado, with guys I tend to be very shy and insecure. I’m starting to move away from that though. I’m actually kind of nervous to put this out there in writing, haha. I don’t want to seem like a twit.

Photo Found StudentPrintz

Anyways, how do you date in this decade? Everything seems to be online, and I mean since the second I started college the dating game changed. That was when online dating I think really gained popularity, and I thought it was the easiest way for a shy girl to start talking to men. I don’t feel like I’ve gotten out of it though because the dating game made it permanent.

I don’t know where else to meet men. I’ve joined gyms, hung out at local bars, asked friends and no one seems to know or can ‘help.’ It’s like people don’t want to set you up (which, I kind of don’t blame them) or have no clue like me.

Taken at the Florida Georgia Line Concert, 2019

I also feel the dating game changed when everyone got so lazy. I can’t tell you how many times in the past men have asked me to ‘just hang out.’ And when I would turn it around and ask where they wanted to meet up for a date, they would counter with ‘oh no, just swing by my place and chill with me on the couch.’ Uh, no thank you. I’m old school. You like me, take me out for a date; and a date means coffee, lunch, dinner, concert, picnic…something! Make a plan, put some effort into it, or I won’t put effort into you.

But back to me: I’m starting to realize that I have been putting too much pressure on the end result and forgetting to enjoy the journey. I’m not saying I’m looking for hookups and a free for all, I still have my standards. But perhaps taking the pressure away from ‘could this be the guy?‘ and ‘I need to get married before xx age!‘ will help me relax and just have fun!

And to finish this really personal post, I’ll share this. It’s been about five months since my relationship ended and what I learned from my ex was how to try new things and have fun with it. He took me camping and fishing (I can’t touch the worm) and now these are interests of mine I want to explore more. We went stargazing in the back of his truck where we used my air mattress and pillows and blankets and brought food – so much fun (even if I started to fall asleep)! He always had a plan, and always pushed me out of the stereotypical dating game I had in my head. I want to build off of that.


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